Ve Haf No More Virgins

April 12, 2013 - 12:10 pm 4 Comments

Devils of War
Director: Eli Dorsey
Distributor: Signature Entertainment
Release Date: 15th April 2013
Reviewer: Theresa Derwin

It is Nazi occupied Poland in 1944 and the Nazis are kidnapping women and experimenting with the occult to raise a demon army. A special elite force has been sent in to extract the undercover agent.
From the off, the director attempts to play with all of his toys, shooting in slow mo, through binoculars, adopting shaky cam – you name it, he does it.
The film starts with a nubile perky blonde tied to posts whilst German Thorn reads (with an American accent) from what is obviously a very dodgy scroll as someone slits the blondes throat. And speaking of blondes, the German female officer is obviously there for little more than titillation; there is oodles of gratuitous nudity, flesh shots of cleavage, thighs and bum, a scene involving fetishism and a blonde virgin peasant who offers her virginity to an American soldier in order to save her life. To say the least, the representation of women in this film offended me.
But that’s not all! Oh no, the B-Movie dialogue, bad acting, the scene in which part of the set wobbles and the attempt to take its visual style from the far superior Iron Sky gives you an idea of what to expect. Add to this a soundtrack that blends spaghetti Western with bad horror and you know what you’re in for. Oh, and the Lesbianism which added no value whatsoever. Oh, and the very stereotypical black character Black Hercules. Oh – oh how I could go on.
The strange thing is I watched it to the end, like a bad car crash you just can’t stop watching.
I watched this film for you . . . to save you from losing an hour of your life. I’ve lost that time and I’ll never get it back. Worse still, I watched it with my Dad who is 78 years old – he can’t afford to lose an hour of his life.
Let me just summarise with a little dialogue to keep you amused and informed:
“Ve haf no more virgins, ve vill haf to make do wiv vat ve haf.”
Yes, quite.

4 Responses to “Ve Haf No More Virgins”

  1. Ros Jackson Says:

    You make it sound unintentionally hilarious, like an Ed Wood movie. Is it?

  2. Theresa Derwin Says:

    It was really funny to be fair, and we groaned a lot

  3. BeavBanger420 Says:

    What did your dad think?

  4. Theresa Derwin Says:

    Er, he was suitably unimpressed! However, he enjoyed it for what it was

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